What We had Before
by Frost115
Summary: Lapis wants to apologize. Peridot wants to be left alone. Bismuth just wants to find out where 'the dump' is. Mild Lapidot.


[**Takes place shortly after Legs to Homeworld**]

Lapis Lazuli was not having the best of days. After working up the courage to return to earth, return to Steven, and fight the diamonds, she ended up being poofed. Sure she did get to strike at Blue Diamond a few times, but her main focus was Yellow Diamond. She was the one who ordered Jasper and Peridot to drag her back to earth. Looking back, maybe she should thank her. Yet, all she could feel was anger towards her supposed leaders who had abandoned her not once but twice now.

She really didn't think they would win against them, it was very surprising that they even 'defeated' Blue Diamond at all, but she still chose to fight them. Lapis knew she'd be shattered. If she went back to home world willingly, they'd shatter her for being a traitor. If she hid on earth, the Diamonds would shatter her when they destroyed the earth. If she remained fused with Jasper, the Crystal Gems would've shattered her (or so she thought). She nearly shattered, or at least was cracked, when stuck in that mirror. Finally if she fought the diamonds, she'd be shattered. It seemed like no matter what she did she'd end up being shattered.

Well that wasn't entirely true. If Lapis had remained with Peridot, then she wouldn't have been shattered. They had the tools and equipment to evacuate if needed, the Diamonds practically abandoned them there, and the Crystal Gems would supposedly protect the earth. In the barn with Peridot, she was finally safe and free. She could make her meep morps to her heart's content and watch Camp Pining hearts till the cows came home. Of course, in Lapis' life, good things never last.

Peridot wanted to take the stance against the Diamonds. That was basically declaring you were gonna be shattered. She refused to run with Lapis and choose to remain on a doomed planet. It hurt Lapis, because she knew Peridot would be shattered. If Rose Quartz couldn't defeat the Diamonds, then what good could Peridot be let alone a Lapis Lazuli. Would she throw metal cups at her until she grew bored? Lapis didn't want to abandon Peridot, but Lapis had enough near shatter experiences to last a lifetime. She refused to be apart of anymore wars.

Now? All she could do was sit on Stevens slightly demolished bed, petting a sleeping Pumpkin, praying to the stars that her Peridot would come back to her soon. It was as if life was openly mocking her for how wrong she turned out to be. First the Diamonds lost, or at least they failed to destroy the earth. Second, nobody was shattered (yet). Third, there was no war to speak of. Lastly, she had lost everything in a matter of a few days. She lost her barn, which she used to temporarily stop Blue Diamond, then she lost Steven, who left on some sort of diplomatic mission according to Bismuth, and finally she lost her Peridot.

The worst part was that she had nobody to blame but herself for all of this. Lapis could still remember the hurt she saw on Peridot's face when she left. She remembers seeing Peridot crying softly to herself when she was spying on them. Then there was Steven, who pleaded with her to stay when he somehow visited her in the moon. Yet she went against her friends, and now nobody was there but her and her naive Pumpkin.

* * *

"Say Lapis, you think Steven would mind if I made the house out of steel?" Bismuth said, tracing her fingers along the plank of wood she had pulled from the ground. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out why they even considered wood. Sure it was easy to come across and it did look very fancy, since according to her allies rock fortresses looked weird, but it can hardly be called a base with how easily broken it is.

Lapis, her poker face never wavering, shrugged and continued focusing on Pumpkin. Bismuth hummed in thought before chucking away the wooden plank and proceeding to rip another one off the floor. 'I am sure Steven will thank me later' she thought, opting to go along with her plan.

Bismuth pulled out a few more wooden planks as she mentally counted how many she'd have to replace with her steel. However midway through her fifth plank she paused, allowing the plank to drop back into place. Where would she get all that metal? She had always built columns of rock to build bases, even learning how to build hidden underground bases ever since the war, but the only thing she's ever made using steel was a few swords. She doubted she had enough to build an entire base out of it. Hey it was a learning experience, but she still needed the actual metal.

Bismuth scratched her head, trying to find a 'legal' solution to her problem. According to Peridot, taking things without permission, even though they were clearly out in display and had no immediate owner, was considered illegal on earth. Times sure had changed. How was she supposed to know those numbers out in the front was a 'price' for the goods?

'Wait… I'm sure Peridot knows where I can get some metal' bismuth thought. She did always use it to make her weird sculpture things. Come to think of it that's all she had been doing lately.

Bismuth was about to ask Lapis, but the way Lapis seemed to look away in shame reminded them of the little disagreements. Had she said that last part out loud? Well regardless, Bismuth was certain Lapis wouldn't speak of the issue.

That's where the issue was. Bismuth was by all means not a couples counselor, but she's been with Garnet enough to know the basics of gem relationships. It was obvious Lapis and Peridot needed to talk things out because this whole shtick wasn't panning out good at all. Peridot acting like nothing is wrong while simultaneously cutting ties with Lapis was not only painful to watch but also wrong. If Peridot wished to never see Lapis again, she could at least have the courtesy of telling her straight up instead of avoiding her ex-friend like this. At this point it seemed to be a way of getting revenge.

Though in the short time Bismuth has talked to Peridot, which wasn't often since she tended to stay away from the temple, she didn't strike her at the revengeful type. In fact Peridot seemed very eager to make friends with Bismuth, which of course the gem was very happy about since they'd be working together often. Lapis on the other hand, while not pushing Bismuth away, didn't exactly make any effort to get acquainted. At first Bismuth assumed it was because it was herself that poofed Lapis in the first place, but she either didn't remember or didn't acknowledge it. Obviously, Lapis just wasn't used to communication.

Then again, who could exactly blame her? Having heard the whole story from Steven shortly before the 'wedding' (and Diamond attack) Bismuth would see why the ocean gem would choose to act this way. The few times she DID speak she was either taken prisoner or was inside of a mirror. Having her whole life stolen from her must've been traumatic, but she seemed to be adjusting fine. Or at least she did according to Steven.

Bismuth's eyes drifted away from Lapis as she walked out the still-in-place door. She leaned onto the railing of the stairs and could see Peridot, down in the sand, outside doing… something. As Bismuth approached her she could see she was slowly rising up from her spot and into the air. Now knowing she was levitating herself, Bismuth chuckled as Peridot let out a few shrieks and yelps as her metal piece, which she had called a trash lid, began swaying a little.

"Hey Peridot!" Bismuth said. Knowing what was to come, she held out her hands as a trash lid fell on her head and a Peridot into her arms. After letting out a hearty laugh as Peridot shivered from her fall, the green gem collected herself and smacked her open palm onto Bismuth's face. "I know I know, don't distract the meep morper at work."

Peridot hopped off Bismuth and dusted herself off. "To what do I owe this intrusion to?" Peridot said.

Bismuth grabbed the lid off her head and began inspecting it. "So I've been redecorating the base and I was just wondering, since you seem to love this stuff, if you wouldn't happen to know where I can get more of this metal from?" She asked.

Peridot instantly perked up. "Oh! There this amazing place earthlings have where they throw away their stuff. It's called 'the dump' and everything there is free!" She said.

Bismuth cringed a little. "You sure about that? I don't wanna have to deal with 'law enforcement' again." She said, already knowing the stern talk Garnet (or Steven) would surely give once they found out she had a warrant for her arrest. Good thing she could shapeshift.

"I'm positive! I go there all the time and nobody has arrested me yet." Peridot said.

"Oh! Are you two going to the dump?"

For only a fraction of a second, Bismuth sees Peridot's eyes widen. Already knowing what would probably happen, Bismuth turned to see Lapis landing in the sand. As her wings retracted she gave a desperate smile. "If you're going then can I come? I haven't worked on a meep morp since… well a while."

Peridot waved her arms off dismissively. "Oh I'm not going. Bismuth just wanted me to inform her." She said a little too quickly.

"Oh. Well maybe I can get you some supplies?"

"I don't need any. I got everything I need at the moment."

"Ok. Do you need help?"

"Wow thanks, but I do not need an assistant."

"Alright… I'll just go watch Pumpkin then."

Bismuth sweatdropped at the obviously tense conversation the duo was having. Lapis turned around, summoned her wings, and hunched over to take off. However she paused and turned back to Peridot. "Are you su-"

"Yes I am sure" Peridot said.

"Maybe I can, hold the tools for you?"

"That's what the trashlid is for."

Bismuth sighed to herself as Lapis turned back to Peridot. "But what if you drop everything and-"

"Then I'll pick it up."

"But it'll be covered in sand!"

"I'll wash it off."

"I can do that easily!"

"I've noticed."

Lapis opened her mouth to retort but Peridot coughed loud enough to silence her. "I hate to be rude, but I got a lot of work to finish. I'd appreciate it if you allowed me to my solitude." She said.

That seemed to do it for Lapis as she frowned at the little green gem and allowed her hands to clench into fists. "Well fine! I got a lot of work to do to!"

Peridot seemed to not appreciate being yelled at as she frowned as intense as Lapis was. "Well good! Then we could both get some actual work done today!"

"Yes we can!"

"Good! Now if you don't mind I'd like to get back to it!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"Ugh! Will you two stop already!?" Yelled Bismuth in irritation.

The duo locked eyes with her as if they forgot she was there. Lapis turned away in frustration while Peridot cleared her throat. "Anyways, I can escort you to your destination now." Peridot said.

Lapis eyes widened. "You just said you weren't going!"

"I'm not. I'm just escorting Bismuth."

"That's the same thing!"

"No it's not!"

"Just stop it you two!" Bismuth yelled. The duo turned to her again. "Listen I don't know the details of what happened but-"

"It's irrelevant right now. I'd just like to continue with my meep morp."

"Well fine! I don't need you! Me and Pumpkin will get along just fine!"

"Don't drag Pumpkin into this! She was perfectly happy with me!"

"Well she'll be even happier with me!"

"You destroyed her home!"

"Well YOU… uh… Shut up!"

"Ah! I learned that earth slang from Amethyst already! It's rude! You're being rude!"

Bismuth sighed loudly. "Bismuth she's being rude to me!" Peridot whined.

"You started it!"

"I did not!"

"_It's like I'm dealing with a bunch of aquamarines._" Bismuth thought. How did one ever get those spoiled, high pitched, and very obnoxious gems to ever behave?

...oh right.

With a powerful stomp, Bismuth created a large crater that kicked up enough sand to blind everyone temporarily. The duo coughed, trying to prevent the sand from entering their mouths, before the managed to see a very angry looking Bismuth.

"Alright listen up you two! Nobody's going anywhere until we resolve this conflict!" Bismuth commanded.

"What?" They both went.

"You heard me! Nobody is allowed leave until you both talk this out. I don't care if you make up or break up. This pointless tension ends now."

Lapis scoffed defiantly. "Like you could stop us." She said.

Bismuth narrowed her eyes at the water gem. "Say what you want Sea Witch but I got more experience in combat than you do. Your water might be able to protect you from me, but I don't think your little green friend will be so lucky."

Bismuth wasn't one to admit to being wrong often, but she did learn something from Steven and by extension Rose. If you can avoid using force and threats, then maybe that'll be the best course. After all, she did end up poofed when she tried forcing Rose to use the Breaking Point. That being said, she was completely bluffing. She would never harm an ally outside of a friendly spar, even if they were secretly Diamonds. (She was glad she didn't know that last time though.)

Lapis froze, as did Peridot, as the implication of what Bismuth said processed. For a moment, the duo got quiet. Then Lapis lunges forward.

Bismuth, cursing in her head at pushing her too far, got into a fighting stance. However, much to her relief, Lapis didn't lunge at Bismuth, she lunged at Peridot. Quickly skidding to a stop in front of Peridot, acting as a barrier between her and Bismuth, she brought out her wings.

"**Don't you dare hurt her**" she hissed.

Bismuth remained stoic, despite her mild heart attack (if she had one). "Believe me I don't want to, but I'll do whatever it takes to keep the team from falling." She said.

After a few seconds of what seemed like a stand-off between Lapis and Bismuth, the former sighed and retracted her wings. She turned and walked away from Peridot, making Bismuth believe she was going to leave again. However before she went too far, she stopped.

"...I lied."

Peridot, still a little dazed over that whole ordeal, barely whispered a reply. "What?"

"I lied ok?! I need you Peridot! I can't imagine what I'd do without you…"

Peridot took a second before laughing, almost bitterly. "This coming from the gem who left into space without me?"

Lapis cringed. "I know and I hated it! The moon sucks and there's nothing to do there! I spent all of my time just watching you, wanting to be here with you!"

Peridot blushes, but frowned nonetheless. "Oh, so you knew how upset you made me?"

"That's not it, I-"

"So you mean to tell me that you saw how visually upset I was, and you STILL stayed away!?"

"Peridot… I..."

"Oh but it's alright, Lazuli, and you wanna know why?" She hissed, stepping up to Lapis. "You said it yourself. You can't stand the thought of seeing me everyday. Right?"

"Woah woah ok there let's slow down." Bismuth said, sensing how south this was going. "Was that really called for Peridot?"

Peridot said nothing as she turned away bitterly. Lapis was shedding tears, but otherwise didn't move. "Listen, I don't really know what happened between you two, but can't you see how bad Lapis feels?"

"...she didn't care about how I felt when she left."

"That's not true… I just didn't want to be in a mirror again…"

Peridot cringed at that, but didn't turn to her. "You wouldn't have. I would've made sure that didn't happen. Besides, we won."

"Well if I knew that then I would've stayed!"

"Oh really? So you'd only stay here with me so long as it's guaranteed safe?"

"C'mon Peridot. You know what Lapis went through. Can you blame the gem for being scared?" Bismuth said.

Peridot glared hard at Lapis, but turned away. "I guess not." Peridot said. Bismuth smiled. "But I still don't want to associate with her." Her smile vanished.

"Peridot-"

"Oh cram it Bismuth!" Peridot yelled, taking the gem completely off guard. "You act so high and mighty, pretending that you know me. Sorry to break it to you but you DON'T! None of you know what this means to me!"

"Peridot…" Lapis went, trying to approach when she saw Peridot begin to tear up. The green gem backed away from her.

"Just stop it Lap- Lazuli! You **should** know what you did to me, considering I told you this story before!

"What do you…?"

"When I came to this planet, I had everything! I had limb enhancers, a reliable purpose, a base, a place where I belonged! Then earth came and ripped it all away from me! I lost my FOOT, my status, my purpose, everything! I was so lost and confused and scared and I just knew those clods were gonna get me shattered!"

"...then I found you Lapis. We started off on a rocky foundation, but you slowly rebuilt everything I lost. I had a home, a plan, an idea, friends, and so much more than I could ever thank you for. You became my new purpose…"

Lapis blushed, but continued to stare in awe.

"Then just like that, you ripped it all away from me. You took it all Lapis. The barn, my morps, my friend… I had lost everything again. I didn't feel like I belonged at the temple. Amethyst and Steven tried their best, but it didn't feel right. Nothing I did on earth ever felt right since you left. Nothing I did felt meaningful. I felt… small. I always felt small and still do a little."

Despite turning away and wiping her eyes, Peridot could still feel the judgemental stares directed at her. "It took me a while, but I'm getting back 'on my feet' as Amethyst said. I'm actually growing plants not too far from where our barn used to be and… while it isn't as fulfilling as I hoped it would be, it still made me feel less small. I'm moving on Lapis."

"Moving on…?"

Peridot cringed at her tone. She sounded betrayed. "Yes. I don't spend a lot of time in the bathroom anymore. My plants are growing amazingly and I might even call it a garden. I don't want to go back. If I go back now, I might just… lose myself again. I don't think I can handle losing everything again Lapis. Please don't make me…"

With Peridot turned away, Lapis just stared at the back of her head. Her eyes and heart begging for Peridot to say it was a lie, to turn back and say she didn't mean any of what she said. Yet despite it all, she knew deep in her mind that Peridot was right. That's all Lapis ever did. She hurt people close to her. She hurt Steven by betraying him, she hurt Jasper by fusing with her, and now she hurt Peridot by leaving. '_No matter what I do, I hurt the people I care about_' Lapis thought.

"Alright Peridot. We heard your side, now we hear Lapis' side."

Both the gems glanced at her. "What do you mean? I just told you what happened." Peridot said.

"You told us what happened to you, but we still didn't hear from Lapis." Bismuth clarified.

The blue gem just looked down miserably. "What's there to say? I just hurt Peridot." She said.

Bismuth looked unamused. "You mean to tell me you just woke up one morning and said 'hey I'm going to hurt Peridot today!'" She asked.

"What!? No! I would never hurt her on purpose!" She said.

Bismuth waved at her, signaling her to continue. Lapis sighed and hugged herself. "I guess… I'm still not used to living on earth. I never considered this planet as my planet. I'm so used to running that I just hoped I'd be able to take my home to whichever planet I'd have to go to next."

Peridot scoffed. "Said the gem that destroyed the barn."

Lapis hugged herself tighter. "I wasn't talking about the barn. I was talking about you." She said.

"Oh…" Peridot went.

Bismuth wasn't one to shy away from her emotions, but she felt if she said 'that is the most sappy and adorable line I've ever heard' (which was saying something considering she was around Garnet a lot) she'd ruin the moment. That didn't stop the smile that crept onto her face however.

Lapis sighed again. "I don't know… I guess I forgot that Peridot liked the earth. I thought that if the diamonds attacked, then I'd be able to run with Peridot to another planet. I didn't think she'd want to fight for it. Part of me was so sure she'd do it just for me, because she cares for me like that. Besides Steven, Peridot is the only one that gets me. She's the only one who can cheer me up, or make me laugh, or understand me in ways that Steven doesn't. She's my home…"

Peridot, despite looking away from Lapis, was heavily blushing. Bismuth could see a few tears going down her face.

"I lost my home, but I had Peridot. I was put in a mirror and my home changed. Homeworld wasn't my home anymore. I don't know when or how, but you slowly became my new home. I thought the most terrifying thing to me was facing the diamonds again, but I was wrong. My biggest fear is losing my home again. I don't wanna lose my Peridot."

Lapis fell to her knees and grabbed a hold of Peridot's hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was scared of what would happen to me, but I should've been scared of what would happen to us. You've done so much for me and I've just taken you for granted…"

"...lies."

"What?"

"Lies!" Peridot shrieks as she pulled her arm away. "You've never taken me for granted you clod! I just told you how you helped me! All I did was make you laugh! So what!? Steven does that all the time!"

"It's not the same! I don't know why but I feel… warmer when it's from you."

Peridot turned away with a heavy blush. "Just stop it Lazuli. Y-You had your chance."

Bismuth gave Peridot a calm smile. "Is that really what you want though Peridot?"

Peridot clenched her eyes shut. "No… But… I'm scared. What if she leaves again?" She admitted.

"I won't! I promise I won't! I won't go anywhere without you ever again! I swear on my gem!" Lapis pleaded.

"No! I refuse!" Peridot yelled, shutting her eyes tightly as if she was in pain.

Bismuth narrowed her eyes. Peridot was making this more difficult. However she knew that if Peridot really didn't want to forgive and forget, and based on her body language Bismuth doubted that's the case, then there was nothing she could do. Bismuth couldn't think of a way for Lapis to prove without a shadow of a doubt that she'd never run again.

"...Peridot. Please..."

Bismuth saw Peridot shaking. That was probably a sign that this had to end for now at least. "How about this. Lapis you give Peridot some space. Give her some time to clear her thoughts and she'll come to a decision. Whatever that ends up being, you'll need to respect it. Alright?" Bismuth said in her calmest tone.

Lapis looked down. Bismuth could see the duo hurting, neither wanting this, but obviously they needed time apart. "Take… Take all the time you need… I'll wait… I've already waited a thousand years." Lapis joked, giving a half-hearted chuckle. Peridot remained still.

Lapis turned away, summoning her wings. She glanced back at Peridot one last time, before turning away and wiping her eyes. She hunched down ready to launch. To fly away from Peridot.

"I CAN'T DO IT!"

Lapis was nearly knocked over when Peridot slammed into her midsection. She was forced into her knees from the sudden weight, but when she recomposed herself she realized something. Peridot was hugging her.

"I'm supposed to be mad! I'm supposed to hate you! But I can't! You have very valid reasons for being scared, but I'm still scared… I don't want to lose you. You're my purpose…"

Lapis was frozen, tears going down her cheeks idly. She quickly turned herself around and crushed Peridot in her own hug. "You're my home…" she responded. This prompted Peridot to openly begin weeping into Lapis. This in turn made Lapis begin weeping as well.

"Can we stop fighting!?"

"Yes!"

"Please don't ever leave again!"

"I won't!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I'm sorry too!"

"I missed you!"

"I missed you too!"

It seemed the duo completely forgot that Bismuth was there. She was grateful though because she had undignified tears going down her face as well. Garnet really rubbed off on her. Sensing her work was done, and maybe Garnet will excuse the arrest warrant when she finds out she played consoler, Bismuth turned and began trying to sneak away. Guess she'll find 'the dump' on her own.

She paused mid-step when she saw her shadow suddenly intensify. She glanced down at it curiously before realizing something was glowing behind her. Turning her head back to the duo, it took all her willpower to not squeal like a highschooler (whatever that is) at the sight. They were fusing!

However, just as their glow began forming hands and legs, both the participants suddenly fell to the sides. "Awww c'mon!" Bismuth said.

Peridot stares wide eyed at Lapis, who in turn looked horrified. "I… I…" Lapis went.

"...Lapis. We almost fused…" Peridot whispered.

"Oh my stars I can't believe… I'm sorry Peridot I… I wasn't thinking straight!" Lapis pleaded, lacing her fingers together.

"You nearly fused with me…" Peridot whispered.

"I'm sorry! I-"

"OH MY STARS WE ALMOST FUSED!" Peridot cheered as she jumped up and hugged Lapis. The water gem looking very confused. "I can fuse! I can actually fuse!"

Lapis blinked as Peridot pulled away from the hug. "Lapis we gotta try fusing again!" Peridot said.

"What? You're ok with it?"

"Of course! Imagine how amazing we will be! Our morps will be unstoppable!"

Lapis glanced at Peridot, who had a look of pure happiness. Suddenly, her fear of losing control of the fusion dulled and she found herself smiling too. "Ok, let's try fusing again." She said, holding Peridots arm.

Peridot went from incredibly happy to very nervous. "Wait, right now!?" She went. Lapis ignored her as she began leading Peridot into a small dance.

Bismuth smiled as the glow came back. "_Garnet will definitely forgive the arrest warrant now."_

* * *

**Author's Note = I'm highly upset that we didn't see the duo make up in the final episodes of Steven Universe, so I made my own! Not sure if this is OOC of Bismuth, but I hope I got the other two down better! I tried showing both sides of their 'argument' in a sense because Lapis had a good reason to run away while Peridot had a good reason to be hurt from it. In the end, nobody is really to blame 100% for all of that. I hope I conveyed that well here!**

**Please leave a review (it's my fuel)! First time uploading a story to this fandom so go easy on me! Thanks for reading! xD**


End file.
